Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
