I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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