We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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