just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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