I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What a dumb baby whore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
