Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
