Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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