Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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