South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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