Non-Jews are for practice
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
