Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
