I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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