At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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