We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
