Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
