whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
