I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
