Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
