i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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