i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
