Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
