His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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