Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
