Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
