Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
