I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
