Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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