wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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