Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
