His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
