Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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