Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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