The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
