I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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