He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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