Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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