OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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