Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
