We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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