I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
