I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
