I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
