at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
