guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
