plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
