Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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