How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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