It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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