Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
