You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
