I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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