I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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