im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
