He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
