About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
