Just cropdusted the office
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
