Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
